Thursday, March 27, 2014

Results are in...

Lets have a moment of silence for 4 year old Mia Derouen, killed by a “XXL” pitbull housed at her home. Dogsbite at Decateur AL has the details.

Noteworthy – Police had to shoot the 4 legged perp THIRTEEN TIMES to stop its rampage. A single mauling, bloodthirsty rampaging beast!

There is no modicum of safety with these monsters among us. Our legal system, including law enforcement, is NOT equipped to deal with this emerging disaster. Our pedestrian self defense laws cannot protect us. The 2nd amendment provides very thin protection. Your typical CC weapon can't stop one of these super maulers!

And that is what they are... Extra, Extra Large Super Maulers!  We are living in the first couple of chapters of some cheezy sci-fi horror novel.

Anyways, back to the topic at hand.

Winner by a BIG margin →

Just think... this could be you!

All that is left to ask... who brings the BBQ sauce and honey baked beans??

I was a little disappointed that TANK came in last. However, understandable given current high fuel prices.

Honorable mention -

M134 Minigun. At 3000 rounds per minute, this awesome device will drop that super mauler in 0.26 seconds!  And, speaking of Science Fiction....

Think out of the box, people!

Monday, March 24, 2014

Trainwreck Ed. 1.4 Save MICKEEE!

Tomorrow is the BIG day! A judge in Maricopia County, AZ decides the fate of MICKEY, a pit bull that ripped the face off of four year old Kevin Vicente on February 20th.

The Save Mickey facebook page now has over 60,000 likes! The pit nuts, unrestrained dog lovers and A.R. Extremists have pulled out ALL the stops to “Save Mickey”. They have poured out of the woodwork in the tens of thousands to mercilessly stamp out any and all opposition to their cause... that being, SAVE THIS MAULER AT ALL COSTS! After all, he was just a dog enjoying his BONE, right? That makes EVERYTHING he does just perfectly acceptable, now doesn't it? He would NEVER do something like that again, would he? Well, of course he would... and then it would be 100% the fault of THAT victim. Ha!

Brace yourselves, the Mickey supporters are coming for us!  Prepare yourselves for this juggernaut of dangerous dog fetishists!   Save yourselves, run for your lives!

Note that the Kevin support page still has under 800 likes. So much for being for BOTH the child and the dog!

All of that said, I am going to reverse my opinion regarding Mickey. I now want Mickey to be spared, for now at least. How come, you say?!? Again, this is an epic, uncontrollable train wreck and there is NO good outcome, only a series of very bad outcomes and we have to pick the least bad of them all.

Here is why Mickey should be spared:
  1. Pit nuts will use Mickey's euthanasia to build political capital – if Mickey is put down, pit nuts now have the “martyr” they NEED to push their agenda. Mickey must NOT become a martyr. Mickey NEEDS to live (for now). If Mickey is put down, there will be protests all over the WORLD, politicians will come out crying that Mickey should have been spared and given a good home with lots of kids that will love him, media and celebrity people will come out in droves: It will be a DISASTER.
  2. The overall situation must become worse before it becomes better. Mickey should be spared and re-homed where he has access to children, other animals, the UPS guy, etc... But, won't he attack them, you say? Of COURSE he will, THAT is the point... someone (or something) has to die (or at least become injured) for the cause. The pit nuts figure they can just re-home Mickey in a pit-loving home and everything will be just fine. But, “things” WON'T be fine. Its imperative that Mickey become a further liability to THEIR cause. I say, let Mickey be THEIR political disaster.  In other words, the victims need vindication.
This is a very cynical policy, to say the least. But, what else is there? If cynicism is my only weapon, I might as well use it.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Neighborhood Pit Bull (no) Problem!

Problems with pit bulls in your neighborhood? The usual ho-hum weapons letting you down?

Welcome to the first Animal Uncontrol Poll! Lets get some feedback on the best way to get a handle on the out of control Pit Bull problem in YOUR neighborhood!

Please consider all the options carefully!  Poll is on the right sidebar.

Option 1:   Tank.  Be the envy the entire block with one of these beauties!  Try to take the wheels off of THIS Fido!

Option 2:   Flame thrower.   Not only can you stop that mauler “dead” in it's tracks, you can simultaneously cook it to crispy perfection! Bon Appetit!

Option 3:   Artillery.  Problem with backyard breeder?   Now, NO PROBLEM.  Take them out with one shot!

Option 4:  Cruise Missile.  Hey, does anyone have the GPS coordinates of Best Friends Animal Shelter???

Option 5:  Atomic Weapon.  The only practical solution in "pit holes" such as Dayton, Ohio.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Trainwreck Ed. 1.3 - Check Mate

Any chess players? I played a lot of chess as a kid, and I recall one scenario where a player would retain their King but nothing else. That leaves said player in a situation where they can dodge, but are in no position to engage the other player. This scenario indicates "game over" and by continuing to play you are doing nothing but wasting time.

The "Mickey" Scenario reminds me of the above chess scenario. The nuts have our balls in a vise. Mickey supporters outnumbering Kevin supporters 100 to 1? It is freaking game over, so get used to it (as many dog lovers would say).

As usual, I have my "big 3" to blame:

  1. Pit nutter aggression. They assert have the "right" to attack us with their dogs and get away with it. Not only is any prior restraint off the table, but there will be no restraint after the fact, either. They can do whatever they want to us and we MUST suck it up and take it. They not only may own the beasts, but they can do whatever they want with them. Anyone who disagrees is worse than Hitler!!
  2. Out of control Dog worship. Who set the above standards, anyway? Its dog lovers who eroded all of the social barriers regarding any reasonable animal control. No licensing requirement, no leash laws, no barking laws, no restraints on biters. Ever. ALL dog behavior is just and good by definition. Sure, this might or might not be codified, but your buds in AC will never enforce any laws, correct? Everything Fido does is somebody ELSE'S fault, right? It MUST be the vic's fault as only a total monster would not love every dog in existence unconditionally.
  3. Unrestrained Animal Rights (AR) advocacy. All animals have the same rights as people, correct? A dog, like Mickey, has full protection under the US constitution IN ADDITION TO full Miranda rights! Mickey has his own LAWYER For shits sake! How the hell can a DOG have a lawyer? Oh, THAT would be due to the fact that dog lovers and AR rightists have been pushing the meme that DOGZ IS PEEPEL for the past 80 years! Thanks to you, every dog bite case is now going to cost taxpayers hundreds of thousands. Thanks, assholes.

Pursuant to (3) while you are clearly losing your battle on every front, you BSL folks need to determine what you believe. While many of you are consistent in your beliefs, some of you need to figure out whether or not "DOGZ IS PEEPEL". BSL and animal rights are fundamentally inconsistent. If dogs truly ARE people, then there is NO BSL, period! I mean NO BSL, not under ANY circumstances... zero, zilch, NADA! You can't throw pit bulls out of your town any more than you can blacks or jews. Just forget about it: Indeed it IS "breed racism"! End of story and the end of the road. Again, you dog lovers and animal rights nuts OWN this one.

Thanks dog lovers and animal rights activists, you laid the foundation for this train wreck. You built the locomotive and laid the track! You own the cultural standards (blame the victim) and the legal standards ("get that dog a lawyer!") Sure, maybe YOU don't support Mickey nor would you own a Pit Bull, but the framework is all yours! You don't think non-Pit owners would take a stance like this? Check this out.

In any case, my prediction is going to be that Mickey is spared. The local AC agency tried to do its job, but was overwhelmed by dog lovers, Pit bull afficionados, and AR nutjobs. Even the government has limited resources. Plan B, lower case scenario: Government wins, but its a complete Pyrrhic victory. Mickey IS put down, but the government decides to NEVER pursue anything like this again, thus leaving maulers free to maul. I would give it 60-40 in favor of Mickey, but a win for the nuts in either case. Essentially, 100-0 in favor of the nuts. Check mate.


Update, March 10th -

Please be advised that the Phoenix City Court ruled today that The Schill Law Group on behalf of their client The Lexus Project will be allowed to intervene on behalf of a dog named Mickey! This means Mickey will have an attorney fighting for him in Court!

The Vicious Dog Hearing that had been scheduled for March 13, has now been continued until March 25 at 8:30am

It just gets betterer and betterer!