Saturday, February 21, 2015

Barking's greatest hits

Welcome to HELL!   We have some GREAT hit songs, and you are going to hear them over and over again for all eternity!

First, I would like to "bump" some past barking essays.

Throw your pro-barking neighbors and authorities for a LOOP:
How about:  What about barking is so annoying, anyway?

With that said, an extremely serious barking predicament came to my attention the other week:

New "Animal Uncontroller" Neil B sent me the following link to his blog.

In any case, Neil has some rather severe medial issues that require him to REST IN HIS HOME.  Indeed, we ALL have a right to rest in our homes, a RIGHT that has been STOLEN by the canine supremacy movement.  However, those chains will rest heavily or lightly depending on the exact circumstances.

My Summary of Events:

Malicious dog owning neighbor refuses to control their dogs, and is probably committing multiple  violations in the process.  They exploit the goodwill and generosity of the victim to its fullest extent.  They proceed to slander the victims throughout the community and expend serious political and social capital garnering support from the HOA and the rest of the community to further crush the victim.  This is somebody they believe that they can screw over and get away with it, and of course they DO.

I also believe that Neil did not have adequate legal representation.  This may be a case of legal malpractice.  I am not a lawyer, but I have been through the litigation process a few times.

I am thinking the issues with the HOA and the other neighbors may not be dog cultism per se, but simple cronyism.  That situation was a little like my state trail association "implosion" a couple of years ago:  I tried to set some limits on dogs on the trail, but one particular malicious dog owner (who owned a golden retriever, by the way) was deeply entrenched in the organization's crony network and none of the other leaders would take any action against him.  Some of those folks didn't own dogs and at least one HATED dogs.  However, cronyism carried the day so it was time to say goodbye.

A few takeaways from this situation:
  • You MUST take care of yourself.  Do whatever you have to do to protect your health, your job, your relationships and your sanity.   If you are in a situation like Neil's, and have to perform a "strategic retreat" to a hotel, or a friend's or relative's house DO IT.  NOBODY is going to penalize you for taking a "vacation" from the neighborhood nuisance.  Furthermore, this may bolster your case against the dog owner, HOA, government, etc.... as you have now "proven" your house is not habitable BECAUSE IT ISN'T
  • Do not be kind or generous to the dog owner.  They are OFFENDING against you and you should treat them like any other criminal.   NOTE that you should stay within the limit of the law so not to give the neighbor any leverage against you.   THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!
  • Do not wait to put the neighbor on notice.  The longer this goes on the harder its going to be to get rid of.
  • Always scope your neighborhood before buying/renting.  A good way to do this is to conceal a voice/sound activated audio recorder at the site for at least 24 hours.   There are plenty of good devices on the market.  I own one of these.    Of course, this is no guarantee that a neighbor from hell will not move in later (one probably will) BUT you have confidence that you won't have one from day one.  Its a bit like getting a mechanical inspection on a used car. 
  • Pursuant to the above point, if you hear any barking while touring the property, quit the process immediately and tell the realtor/owner why.  You think a realtor is going to miss out on a juicy commission because of some useless yard barker?   Owners and landlords do not like the value of their capital depreciated either.
  • Actively campaign against any and all laws that give the dog owner an unfair advantage.  Neil ran head first into the draconian "multiple household rule", one of the most absurd rules ever put on the books.
Peace, everyone!


  1. Unfortunately, the instant you complain about a barking dog you're seen as "one of those people" and now are considered the problem. Anything you say or do afterwards is viewed as harassment towards the dog owner. This applies not only to the dog owner, but law enforcement as well.

    Dog people simply cry harassment and, not only can they get away with a surprising amount of nonsense, but they get all he sympathy in the world on top if it.

    1. Well then, we change the laws so that law enforcement will have to enforce for the victim of the barking, not the malicious dog owner. Keep your complaints anonymous, to the point, and smartly worded. Keep at it. It's why we're fighting for change.

      We splatter this canine supremacy movement with the other dropped shoe.

  2. I had one neighbor who tried to accuse me of discrimination because I complained about his family's robo-yapping pug. Thing was left out in desert heat and winter cold and it expressed its displeasure loud enough to be heard two blocks away. But I was...


    1. I don't get people like that. You know, if organized crime ever got into the paid business of making people's dogs disappear they'd double their income in no time.

    2. As it turns out, these people were involved in organized crime. Human trafficking, to be exact.

  3. I'll never understand why dog owners have such a massive sense of entitlement. They need to get over themselves. Nobody owes it to them to be tolerant of their dogs poor behavior, whether it be incessant barking, invading someones space in public, or leaving behind a mess for other people to step in.

    1. PS:, to the OP, it's great to see you posting again. I've missed reading your blogs!.