Saturday, September 13, 2014

Dress for success at Pet Stupid

Pursuant to my pre-essay on Pet Unintelligent, welcome to the 3rd Animal Uncontrol POLL!

Here is the deal... you MUST head to Pet Stupid Smart.  For some reason (make it up, it doesn't matter), this chore is unavoidable.  However, they are having an XXL Super Pit Bull adoption day that day.   Additionally, they have ALL been rescued by Best Friends Animal shelter and the ALL have a history of attacking humans and other animals.  What to do?

Choices for successful dress at Pet Stupid.  Consider all of your options and make your choice carefully!  Poll is on the upper right.

Option 1:  SWAT.   With this fashionable full body Kevlar outfit, all decked out with select fire assault rifle, hundreds of rounds of ammunition and full face protection, how can you go wrong at Pet Smart?  Note, I would stay in the parakeet section if I were you!

Option 2:  Medieval Knight.  Guns ain't your thang?  No worries!  It would take Fido hours to chew through one of these full body beauties!  That broadsword will make sushi out of that supermauler in no time!

Option 3:  Serial Killer.  As per option (2), a good option in Communist countries such as New Jersey.  The hockey mask will protect your face PLUS that McColluch will slice up that supermauler like warm butter!

Option 4:  Exo skeleton.  Hey, if it will work on a monster alien, it should work on that neighborhood supermauler!  Right?  (OK, see option #1).

Option 5:  Cyborg.  Most pit bull victims (the one's that live, anyway) wind up without arms and legs, anyway, so why not go all in and replace nearly everything with computer parts?   Try to take a bite of out of THIS guy Fido!  


  1. in classic blogger fashion the poll is buggy. i voted for swat but it is registering as cyborg.

  2. If I could, I would choose each outfit, accessorizing with a pink tutu. That way, I could go to MaulSmart with a new disguise, and the tutu would lure the nutters into believing that I was one of them. That way, when nanny dog starts getting busy, I'll be within reach to flame, shoot, slice, dice, laser, taser, crossbow, ax, pickaxe, flail, mace (not the spray kind) and skewer.


  3. "are you moonlighting?"

    Um, possibly... my CIA section chief told me not to talk about it, though.

  4. Aw, mine didn't post the other day!
    I pick serial killer, because the chainsaw would be awesome. Usually I favor large bladed things, but this would be a nice change.

  5. I'd go in there with a bark zapper. Just to keep the noise down.

  6. I can find flaws with each one; this breed is ridiculous! >_< Why can't I be an armor-clad swat cyborg serial killer in an exo skeleton?
    meh... stuck between swat, for the crazy ass amount of lethal opportunity with just the pull of a trigger...
    or the cyborg... so i feel minimal pain if/when they get me ._.