Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Barking Dog BINGO!

Dealing with the owner of the robo-yapper next door can truly be an agonizing experience.  The authorities fully support their POWER to raise the noise level in your home without your permission.  You now have to beg to have quiet in your home.

As I have noted in my “countering pro-barking propaganda” essays, owners of robo-barkers, apologistas, and do-nothing authorities have a general set of excuses (NOT reasons) for not doing their jobs and/or fulfilling their obligations.  We hear the same mindless drivel spewed over and over… it would insult the intelligence of a bacterium.

To lighten the mood, I submit the following “Barking Dog Bingo!” game that you, your friends, and family can enjoy while your life is being gradually turned into ground up shit by the malicious, overly entitled dog owner next door.

Consider the following “Bingo” card geared toward dealing with those malicious owners, apologistas and useless authorities. 

Game rules:
-          Give the yapper owner, local SPCA, AC or police a call.  Visiting in person is acceptable.
-          Print off a copy of your “Barking Dog Bingo!” card!
-          For each worthless, selfish, and impossibly stupid excuse spewed by the miscreant, cross off the excuse on the card.  You may use a marker, or cover the excuse with a coin or some other object.
-          When you have crossed off or covered either an entire row or column, yell “BINGO!” You win!
-          Your prize?  You get to PROVE how STUPID and ANTI-SOCIAL the pro-barker really is!
-          Game time: 5-7 minutes.

Alternate game:  Barking dog drinking game!

Game rules.
-          Buy a case of bourbon, rum or your choice of hard liquor.
-          Grab a bunch of shot glasses.
-          Print off a copy of your “Barking Dog Bingo!” card!
-          Invite your friends and family.
-          Get out your speaker phone.
-          Give the miscreant a call.   Alternately, call SPCA, AC or police.
-          Complain about the barking dog(s).
-          For every mindless, selfish, entitled, and insipid excuse indicated on your “Barking Dog Bingo!” card, everyone take a shot!
-          If the miscreant hangs up, again try calling SPCA, AC or police.
-          Last one left standing, WINS!
-          Game time:  10-15 minutes.



  1. Was coming home from an evening with friends. One of the worst dog owners in the neighborhood has a teenager who's taken to giving me very sarcastic hellos when she sees me going in or out of my house. She offered such a greeting last night.

    Well, let me tell you, there's nothing quite as satisfying as answering her with complete silence. Ahhh, the freeze-out.

    I could fill my entire bingo card with the excuses I've heard from neighbors like her. But I'll enjoy playing the game, because you know what? The trend is our friend, not theirs.

  2. That is a great game I may have to play it with my local constabulary. About two weeks ago another neighbor started playing his drums about 6pm in the evening. I had a window open and could lightly hear it and lo behold it was coming from behind a dog barking neighbor's house. This meant that the idiot with the two yapper's was getting the teen beat drum symphony directly into his house. My thoughts of calling the cops vanished. How could I deny that idiot some retribution, so I just closed my window and went about my business. The wonderful thing is that this went on for five nights in a row for almost three hours each night, and alas it quit. Some satisfaction in that his nights were not so quiet.

  3. animal uncontrol, can you please email me.

  4. Love reading your blogs. I think it would be great if you wrote one about owners who disregard leash laws by letting their dogs run free in public parks and hiking trails. On more then a few occasions I've had dogs charge at me, and even jump on me, while the owners just stand there with a grin saying "it's ok, he's friendly!". I've also had a dog nearly trip me up, while out jogging, because it ran right in front of me. All because the owners deem it unnecessary to follow the rules, or have any consideration for others.

  5. I'm ready to play the Barking Dog drinking game. Our local noise ordinance rules are a farce, and the police and Animal Control couldn't care less about robo-yappers.

    I have my own anti-dog blog that you may like to read:

  6. Dog Hater,

    I am not a dog hater. I'm not necessarily a dog "lover" either. I'm a dog-agnostic. That said, I intensely dislike irresponsible, malicious dog owners who think that owning a dog empowers them to do anything to anyone, anyplace, at any time with zero accountability. I find their defiant sense of entitlement absolutely vile.

    I am critical of the cultural "norms" that dictates that everyone should have a dog, that everyone must "love doggy" no matter what, and merely owning a dog is some sort of heroic effort. That is not merely offensive, its stupid.

    I am outraged at our "public" servants that take our money then claim there is "nothing they can do" to ameliorate the biting and barking epidemic that has taken over the so-called civilized world. Juxtapose that against the fact that they WILL take affirmative action against anyone who returns the use of force against a dog or its owner. Dog bites you, there is nothing they can do. If you were to later poison that dog, all of a sudden the authorities spring into action with more funds than Warren Buffet after a winning streak at Vegas.

    I'm certain that about 20-25% of dog owners should be relieved of that privilege. By force, if necessary.

    Again, while I am not a "dog hater", I have some sympathy for that POV. The dog "lovers" are offended beyond belief at the thought that everyone does not love their dogs like they do. However, the dog nuts must realize that they earn the hatred directed at them and their pets to some extent: THEY created the dog-hater movement with their hostile, overly entitled BS.

  7. I'm not a dog hater, in fact dogs are my profession. I love the species. I don't love each and every dog.

    AU, I'd up your figure to about 50% of dog owners should be relieved of the privilege. They aren't dog lovers. They are narcissists. Their dogs are miserable.

    Making it harder to own dogs would in fact be good for dogs, besides being good for you-all here. Such as make any aspiring dog owner take and pass a course on dog biology and behavior -- not some half-butt trainer-club course, but college level. If you don't have the time or brains to take and pass such a course, including the self-discipline to not miss a class, then you don't have the time, brains or self-discipline to own a dog (or any animal).

    Ah, dream on...

    DogHatersUnite, LDL, maybe it's some comfort that some of us who do love dogs share your hatred (or at least disgust) with maybe up to 50% of dog owners? I certainly have a certain hatred of the pubic authorities who refuse to deal with the mauling and killing epidemic, with barking dogs, the ones in Maryland who are getting ready to legislate that victims of aggressive dogs won't have any recourse (taking down that Appeals Court decision that they would), and so on.

    Just to let you know that not every dog owner is a completely narcissistic-entitled imbecile. And that some of us are on your side, for what it's worth. Maybe at some point we'll succeed in mobilizing both the dog-hating, the bark-hating, and the good dog-owning to suppress these entitled...jerks.

  8. Sweetie Pie

    Thanks for your post. Yes, it is comforting to know that some dog lovers understand where I'm coming from. My best friend is a former dog owner, and he agrees with me about many dog owners being irresponsible and selfish. In fact, I'd say it means even more getting support from a dog lover, then a dog hater, or even somebody indifferent towards dogs.

    Don't worry, I'm well aware that not all dog owners are bad. There are many of them(like me friend) who are responsible and respectful of others. But much like you, I find the arrogance and entitlement attitude of of the irresponsible ones absolutely infuriating. I've even heard a few of them say that if somebody gets bitten by a dog, then it's the victims fault for "acting scared" around the dog. Seriously, it makes me shake my head and wonder WTF is wrong with some people.