Tuesday, April 7, 2015
Nanny Dogs, Part Deux
So, any of you complete your reading assignment, yet? HUSTLE UP, that book is not going to read itself!
I just started reading "Red Zone" by A. Jones last night. Relates to the Diane Whipple case. What kind of a world do we live in where someone can be literally EATEN by vicious animals on the 6th floor of an upscale apartment building?!?! That is not a hazard a city should pose.
Anyways, the Nanny Dog myth is an interesting one. The lies/excuses/myths that dog fanatics invent to promote their "interests" are usually impossibly stupid, and only make sense to other cult members.
Impossibly stupid? Really? How did the ridiculous notion of a "Nanny Dog" catch on in the first place? How about auto mechanic dog, or airline pilot dog? Lawyer dog? Tax accountant dog?
Sure, some dogs have been inbred to perform certain tasks. Retrieving is a good example: Pick something up and bring it to me. Perhaps they will learn algebra next?
While not rocket science, "Nanny-ing" is a job encompassing several complex tasks that may only be performed by human beings.
Nanny tasks may include, but are not limited to:
- Preparing meals for self and children and cleaning up after. (licking plates clean does not count).
- Changing diapers. (eating poop out of the diaper does not count, either, sorry).
- Driving children to and from school, sporting events and other activities. (chasing cars does not count).
- Assisting children with homework assignments. (Peeing on the homework is NOT generally considered to be a useful assist, sorry).
- Doing laundry. (no snark here, sorry).
- Calling relevant authorities in the case of emergency: I.E. 911. (sorry, mindlessly barking all day does not count).
Dog lovers have anthropomorphized the object of their love to the point that they believe dogs are capable of anything a human can do. Eileen noted that search and rescue dogs, police dogs and the like are really just tools used by humans to do a job: This is a correct analysis, of course, but to the True Believer, those dogs are full fledged Cops, Firefighters and Soldiers!
So, with that under consideration, the Nanny Dog proposal is certainly plausible to the initiate. If a dog can be a cop, why not a Nanny?
Of course, the dog lover will shout "My Fido is safe around kids!!!!". (This is without even raising the danger the scenario may pose - they are revealing their insecurity and self-doubt). In my utter magnanimity, lets give him the benefit of the doubt on that - the dog is harmless. Well, genius, so is my oriental rug. I would never claim my rug is a "Nanny Rug" as it just sits there - it cannot perform any Nanny-esque duties.
Now, the fact that an unstable beast such as the Pit Bull was arbitrarily chosen to be the "Nanny Dog" moves the notion from sheer stupidity to full retardation.
Again, pit nuttery = dog love gone full retard.